In consensual power and authority dynamics, my inclination is to yield power and authority to my partner/s. There are many reasons people submit. For me - it's my nature to do so - I don't have much of a choice in the matter.
I also happen to believe in, practice, and teach, cultivating personal power as an ongoing exercise. When some people discover this about me, they say "but you are the sub - how can you have power?".
My response to that question is "how can I give someone something I don't have?"
Sometimes I get a blank stare in return. So let me see if I can spell it out for you.
Let's say that I'm entering into a relationship with someone based on a currency other than power. Rather, we are basing it on money and money alone. And we agree that She (this person with whom I am entering into a relationship) will have control and choice over how the money is spent, where we bank, etc.. And let's say that I consent to having her manage my money. Easy, right? All I have to do is give her the money that I have, and she has the control of it.
What if we agree that she will have ongoing control over my money, and also that I am to consistently give her money over time? Well then, I better do something to earn it, yes? Seeing as I am a person of ethically good intent, I wouldn't do something like rob a bank for money, I would simply put effort into activities that will net me financial gain. Simple economics.
Let's say that I have a strong desire for the money to be taken from me - that I enjoy surrender on that level. No problem there - All I have to do is negotiate with her that she can have my money, but I will be more satisfied in the transaction if she forcibly takes it from me. That way, I have the experience of her taking it, but really what we are doing is exchanging the currency in the way that works for both of us.
What if she says "Give me $10,000,000 cash. NOW! And if you don't, I'm going to take it from you by holding you down, ravishing you, and sticking things in your holes" Well, that is one hot scenario, but there's a problem. I don't have ten million dollars.
With something quantitative like money (or apples, screwdrivers, or sunglasses), it's easy to see the problem inherent in being asked for or wanting to give more than one has. I might really want to give my partner the $10,000,000 she asked for, but if I don't have it, there is a scarcity which makes the equation impossible to balance without something moving (she accepts less, I win the lottery, etc..).
With something qualitative, like personal power, it's a little more difficult to understand, but that doesn't change the guidelines. I simply *have* to have it in order to give it to someone.
How do I know how much power I have to give - what's appropriate - how much is too much? And how do I give this power from a place of good health, if my desire is to, essentially be a doormat? How do I ethically engage in Total Power Exchange?
Stay tuned for future posts, which will explore the cultivation and exchange of personal power.