Sunday, March 2, 2014


I can create custom classes for your group or event.  The primary subject areas in which I teach are:  bottoming, communication, spirituality, and authority exchange.

On General Skills
How to Improve your Relationship while Talking about it : Compassionate Communication
How to Give and Receive Feedback about Scenes
Increase your EQ and be a better BDSM-er
Sensational : How the 5 senses play in your scenes and what you can do if one is overrun by your environment

On Spirituality and Mindfulness
The Way of D/s: A Context for Power and Authority Exchange
Yoga for Kinksters: The Original
Pain Processing
Connecting Through Rope
Breathwork for BDSM

On The Edge
Edge Play : It's for Everyone- No Really, it is!
Edge Play from the Bottom Up : Predator and Prey
Predicament Play from the Bottom's Point of View
Playing without Safewords : Exploring Consensual Non-Consent, Edge Play and other "Dangers"
Negotiation 301: Freestyle: On-the-fly Negotiation Techniques for Experienced Players
No Limits : Because let's be real...  there's a context in which you'd do just about anything

On Bottoming
Aftercare : You need it, and your top isn't responsible for giving it
The Power of Vulnerability : Why sharing your secrets is so important

On Identity 
Submissives’ Round Table
I AM : Identity as a grey area in BDSM
Archetypes of Dominance and Submission: The Enneagram and BDSM

Taoism is a philosophy of contrast and polarity, and it is through the contrast of yin and yang, that Taoists find The Way - the path of balance. Balance doesn’t mean equality - and it doesn’t map to identity. It is about energy, tendencies, and ‘natural order’. In this class, Bendy will present a primer on this ancient tradition, define the poles of the Tao, and offer a Taoist model for authority and power exchange which is based on the qualities yin and yang.

You’ve got some experience below your belt, and now you’re playing with other people who have experience. Bendy will engage several mini-scenes that she will negotiate on the fly, and break down step by step. There will be plenty of room for conversation, reflection, and sharing. This class is for experienced players and for people who are new to the lifestyle and curious about what the road ahead may look like

This all-levels (really) class is for anyone with a spine and breath. We will do some simple standing stretches that you can do seated if you need accommodation. Then we will go to the floor and do more work, that you can stay seated for if you need accommodation. This is fun-filled and one of Bendy’s most popular classes

Edge Play – the stuff that ‘they’ do. You know : the dangerous stuff. Join Bendy for a delightful and insightful discussion of Edge Play from the perspective of the Bottom. Using some demonstrations, we will discuss some of the types of edge play, limits, boundaries, consent and more.

Ooh- AhhhOUCH! Pain. We all have it at times, and when it’s part of a scene –wanted or not –we need to process it. Join Bendyogagirl for some live demonstrations of the 3 types of pain and how to practice them. You’ll receive some handouts to take home as well

This is a highly experiential class that focuses in on a feedback mechanism that is aimed towards giving data to your partner(s) in such a way that they can use it to help co-create more fun the next time you play. With Bendy facilitating and live demos, learn how answering three simple questions can give a wealth of information. You'll be able to use this in real life, too!

This highly experiential workshop is all about empathy and how it helps us all in BDSM play. We'll do exercises, break down some demonstrations, and more. Empathy is critical for interpreting nonverbal communication. If you do *any* edge play, these skills are critical for both tops and bottoms.

Back, in school, we learned how to do quadratic equations. Many of us learned how to diagram sentences. We even learned what a water molecule is made of. How many of us learned how to communicate without getting defensive - without minimizing or negating someone else's experience, and in such a way that makes the bridges between people stronger, even if there is a conflict? If you want to understand others more - and to be better understood, then this class is for you. Bendy will introduce you to techniques used by different spiritual traditions as well as those by a PhD who coined the phrase: Non Violent Communication.

This highly experiential workshop is aimed towards cultivating skillfulness in using rope bondage as a means to create intimacy and connection.  We will practice several exercises that help to practice emotional awareness, proprioception, and breath.  All you need to know is how to tie a shoe.  Please wear comfortable clothes in which you can move.

Join Bendyogagirl for a lightly facilitated conversation for and among submissives and slaves.  If you switch, please attend with your sub/slave mindset engaged.  Bendy has been facilitating these kinds of conversations since 2009.

What do you mean when you say “I am a ________” and how might it expand or contract your understanding of self and other?  Bendyogagirl will facilitate a conversation about identity as it relates to BDSM…… 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

If Only Someone had told me...

I attended the Master/slave Conference over Labor Day Weekend.  One of the sessions in which I participated was a conversation facilitated by Vi Johnson, who is an incredible resource for our community, as she has a traveling library of kink; and you get to touch the old books! 

Vi opened the conversation with a question:  What do you wish someone had told you when you started out?  There were many answers given in the circle, but I can't share them here, as I agreed to keep the confidence of the space.

What I *can* do is share some of what I wish I had known.  It's highly probably that people did, indeed, tell me all of the following.  

The problem with hindsight is it comes from a place of greater growth than how we see and live in the moment.  But I just loves me my Mama Vi, so in honor of her wisdom and contributions to our Community, here are some tidbits I've picked up along the way...

Use Your Words
No matter how much you love someone - and how much they love you back, the vast majority of human beings are not mind readers.  Speak up, people!  

Work to Share Definitions of Your Words
What's 'sex' for one might not be sex for another.  Same with 'play', 'love', 'submission', 'dominance', 'dinner', 'fun', 'Relationship'.  In fact, rather than writing a contract, you might consider writing a dictionary together... 

Expose All Sacrifices
One of the shortest paths to resentment is the experience of not doing something for someone and having them ignore the sacrifice.  How does this work?  Quite simply: "I can give you a ride home.  It will mean that I can't go to class, though."  This gives the person you are with two opportunities.  The first is the opportunity to make another suggestion or request.  The second is the opportunity to thank you  and acknowledge the sacrifice.    And kids?  I'd suggest you consider this regardless of where you fall in your power dynamic. 

Know How You Work
Are you led by intention or by rules?  I'll write more on this in another post, but the jist of it is this:  do you subscribe more to the letter of the law or the intent of the law?  What I've found over the years, is that people who operate from differing frames can find themselves at odds with each other, particularly when mistakes are made.

Negotiate from a Position of Equality
In my opinion and experience, it matters not how dominant or submissive you are and wish to be.  When you are talking with someone about how you want your relationship (scene, service, D/s dynamic, romance, etc.) to look, do so as equals and THEN shift the power and authority dynamic. This is especially useful when you are in a new-er dynamic. 

Learn how to Give and Receive Feedback
Let me illuminate something for you.  Feedback is not the same as criticism.  Nor is it necessarily editorial. Feedback is simply stating your experience as it relates to you.   Look for a more fully fleshed out post about this in the near future.  For a quick explanation; "I feel afraid" is feedback. "You scare me" is not.  

Know your Why
Are you doing this to get off?  For personal growth?  To escape your boring marriage? Because you really want X to tie you up?  To have fun?  To experience what it's like to ...?  Knowing this will make it easier to use your words.

There IS a Right Way 
There. I said it.  YES, there's a right way to do what it is that we do.  Here's the catch, though - your right way isn't the only right way.  Please remember that, 'mkay?
I leave you with a question - do you see how all of the above concepts work unilaterally - across all relationship structures?  

At the core, being able to relate really has to do with self-actualization, maturity, and response-ability.